Zatera Ul

It’s MFH’s (my foofy husband’s) birthday today!!!

Last night, in the middle of talking about God and quantum indeterminancy, he connected it to evolution: “so you have this water, and then, BAM! A fish!” Actually, it would be a fish and an anti-fish. With mass-energy equivalence (Einstein’s E=mc^2), a particle and its anti-particle can spontaneously appear out of raw energy. If there is an electric field to draw them apart, then they may avoid recombining back into energy. (The anti-particle, which is anti-matter, will probably find another particle to annihilate itself with.) From quantum mechanics, we know that the “impossible” is only the “very, very, VERY improbable.” So our idea is that life began with a quantum event, the spontaneous appearance of a fish and anti-fish. The fish quickly swam away, and the anti-fish was annihilated with water and organic material. We assume that the fish happened to just be ready to lay eggs; this would not greatly increase the overall improbability of the quantum fish event. The source of the energy necessary to produce the fish (roughly 1 kilogram per fish, multiplied by the speed of light, 300 million meters per second, twice) is unknown, but we’ll make that part up later.

The advantage of the Quantum Fish Theory is that it is a much more plausible explanation of the origin of life than the primordial soup theory. Just think of all the steps you’d need to get from simple organic molecules to even the simplest one-celled organism. The improbability of that chain of events is astronomical! Why bother, when BAM! you can get the complete fish, eggs, parasites and all. It’s clear that our theory is more elegant, and therefore must be right.

We would like our Nobel Prize money in small, unmarked bills, please.