Zatera Ul

I knew physicals were useless! I am quite overdue for one–the last was just before I moved to Minnesota. Not that they were ever a regular part of my life. I had a ten-year period free of doctor visits once, between falling out of a pickup and landing on my head in second grade, and needing to get caught up on my shots before college.

Part of my doctor-phobia is that medical people have a knack for setting off my fainting reflex. Prep: have patient (me) sit too still for too long in the waiting room, with nothing much to do but fill up with dread. Procedure: draw blood, give shots, or just give a long and vivid explanation about potential complications or side effects. Result: patient passes out. Follow-up: tell patient it’s not good for her to faint. Example: catching up on my shots before going off to college, I had a long wait in an empty waiting room, then they took me back and gave me three injections. I got dizzy, the nurse brought a wheelchair and started wheeling me back toward an examination room, but by the time we got there I was practically out cold (and had drooled all over myself), and she had to put me on the floor.

The hardest part, though, is the loss of privacy. The nurse practitioner at my last physical lost serious points for tearing the already scanty paper gown to do the breast exam. As if her being female made that ok (it didn’t!). My male doctors were more mindful of this issue.

I can see that I am just going to have to send MFH off for a crash medical course.