My web host recently moved my website over to a new server, and there were some issues with The Move. Sadly I didn't notice these issues until a week after it happened, which basically ruined any chance of turning this into a smooth recovery. In fact, I didn't even know A Move was taking place because I didn't check the e-mail account my host sent the notification to. My bad.
So Hello! This website is coming to you from exactly one week in the past!*